he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
