My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
