I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
