I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
