You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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