u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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