I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
