why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
