just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
