New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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