Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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