You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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