Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
