i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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