OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
