we have officially lost it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I had to cum in my sink.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
