In the future we'll all be gay
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
