Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
