That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
