I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
