you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
