i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
