I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
pop tarts are not kleenex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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