Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
