New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
