garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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