Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
