I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize