im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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