TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
