we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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