I looked at my own cervix.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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