I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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