You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
