I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
