I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
