eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
