i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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