It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
