Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
