yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
