I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
