He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
