apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
