ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
