eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
