Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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