obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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