where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I will die if light touches me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
