Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
